Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
