im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
