theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
party gras won. party gras always wins.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
