He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
