They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He passed out mid-signature
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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