: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
