I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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