worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
