Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
