So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
