you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
