I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
