Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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