I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
