I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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