dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
