dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I feel like abortions should bother me more
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
