"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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