I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
