Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
