He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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