i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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