now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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