I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm bleeding and have questions
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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