i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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