My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
