so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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