I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I cockslap morals
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
