I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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