and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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