she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
