so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
