hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My feet surprised me
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
