Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Walk of Shame today included voting.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
