I wish I could punch you in the face.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
