I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
