My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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