what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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