True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
