So drunk, too bad you don't want this
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
