I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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