I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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