I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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