We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
