Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
