tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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