her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
