And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
