hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
