all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
