They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
