At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I intend to get homeless drunk
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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