We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
not ubering you a puppy
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
